What You Don’t See: The Reality of Living with an Invisible Disability
How One Couple Uses Stigma as an Opportunity to Educate
It’s 5:35 p.m. on a Friday. Your work week is finally behind you, and the weekend is in sight. You step onto an overcrowded bus, shoulders heavy with exhaustion, and settle into a priority seat. Across the aisle, a glare is fixed on you, questioning your presence in a spot marked for those with visible needs. This makes the bus ride home from work even more uncomfortable, but you remind yourself what the world often forgets: not all disabilities are visible.
Managing Societal Assumptions: Judging a Book by its Cover

For Richard Fabregui, who’s lived with MS since 2015, managing societal expectations is a challenge he is all too familiar with. Symptoms such as fatigue, numbness, and cognitive fog aren’t immediately obvious to those around him. And navigating daily life—or a commute—means you must somehow prove your invisible disability is real.
Physical mobility aids like canes and wheelchairs not only provide support and independence to those living with a disability, they also serve as visual indicators in instances like using a priority seat on a busy bus. But what if your disability is invisible? One of Richard’s biggest hurdles has been explaining these symptoms, especially fatigue and cognitive fog—which can make it difficult to focus, remember things, or process information quickly—to those around him.
When he isn’t using a visible mobility aid, he finds that people often downplay or dismiss his experience, which can be frustrating. These interactions, however, have become opportunities for him to challenge those perceptions. When people stare, or question his need to ask for help, Richard takes it as an opportunity to explain that what you see isn’t always what you get.
“Initially, the thought of asking for assistance or using services for people with disabilities felt intimidating,” says Richard. “But now, I view those moments as opportunities to educate. Sharing my experience with MS turns into a moment of advocacy.”
When he does use a mobility aid, he immediately notices a shift in how people act.
“Recently, I’ve started using a cane, and it’s been eye-opening to see how quickly perceptions shift once people notice a physical aid,” he says. “It highlights how ingrained the belief is that disabilities must be outwardly visible to be recognized or accepted.”
It’s Richard’s hope that this reality won’t always exist. And together, with his husband, Marc, their goal is to play a part in changing that belief.
Being Both Partner and Caregiver

Marc’s been a supportive partner through the ups and downs of Richard’s MS journey. Throughout their relationship, Marc’s become much more aware of how Richard’s invisible symptoms show up in their daily life.
Together, they’ve developed a system based on subtle cues that indicate Richard’s energy levels are dropping, giving them an opportunity to adjust their plans on the fly. Throughout the day, Marc asks Richard to rate his energy levels on a scale of 0% to 100%. And by practicing patience and open communication, this rating system allows them to work around the unpredictability of day-to-day life living with MS. Even if that means cancelling plans.
“I’ve had to learn how to tell my loved ones that when I cancel plans, it’s not because I don’t want to spend time with them, but because I’m listening to my body,” says Richard.
And while Richard’s family and friends are fully supportive, the couple have run into some people who have shown a lack of empathy or even questioned if his invisible disability is real. Which is why spreading greater awareness to those that might not understand what it means to have an invisible disability is a crucial first step to breaking the stigma.
Rewriting the Narrative on Invisible Disabilities
So how can we get rid of the stigma surrounding invisible disabilities for good? Having open and honest conversations with those around you is a good first step. And while it might be uncomfortable to bring up, Richard’s come to learn that it’s these hard conversations that move the needle towards breaking the stigma around disability—invisible or not.
By sharing his story, Richard hopes to raise awareness and change how people view invisible disabilities, because the first step to addressing any stigma is making people aware it exists in the first place.
“It’s painful when others don’t see or believe the challenges we face,” he says, “but I hope that by sharing my story, I can help shift those perceptions and create more understanding. I’m proud to openly embrace my MS and share my story, because it’s so important for others to recognize and understand the significance of these often-unseen conditions.”
“My perspective has completely shifted because I never truly understood the reality of invisible disabilities before,” says Richard. “Now, I realize that so many people live with conditions you can’t see, and this has deepened my compassion for others. It’s a reminder that you can’t judge a book by its cover; there’s often so much more beneath the surface.”
Help raise awareness about invisible disabilities by sharing Richard’s story and encourage understanding beyond what is visible.
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